I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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