Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
