New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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