I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
