Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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