K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Well I just put wine in my tea
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
