she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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