I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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