I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
