I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
