Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
