I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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