i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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