Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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