Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
