i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
