my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
