U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i came on her dog
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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