"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
