So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize