no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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