How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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