I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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