Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Randomize
