We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
