What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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