$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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