Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Randomize
