im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
