how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
