Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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