meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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