Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
