The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize