i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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