My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
