is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
