i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Randomize
