how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
what day is it and did you see me today?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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