All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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