You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
honey bunches of taint.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
