This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
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