Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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