I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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