Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize
