Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
false alarm. still invincible.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize