Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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