They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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