He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
