Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
