being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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