i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize