Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
