It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
