Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
