my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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