I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Randomize
