i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
