I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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