Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
