I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
