He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
