Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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